Second-class Person - First Class ATTITUDE!

The following is from an an interview with Marilyn Wann, founder of http://www.fatso.com/. It’s from the British e-zine, "Just As Beautiful." I’m posting this because it really expresses how I’ve been feeling as I go through my belief system about weight and food with my psychologist. "I had been getting along by avoiding the topic of my weight. I didn’t mention it, I hoped no one else would, and if they did, I pulled away from that interaction as much as possible." "I didn’t try out for cheerleader, didn’t date as a teen, didn’t wear sleeveless or above-the-knee fashions, didn’t really consider myself fully human, but a kind of second-class person…because, despite my intelligence and good personality and cute looks and accomplishments, that was the way people treated me." "I was living in a kind of closet, putting everything weight-related in a black hole, no-go zone. It was, I realize now, no way to live." The idea of being a "second-class person" really rings true for me right now. I feel invisible sometimes. And when people do actually see me - those that don’t already know and love me (they see both my personality and my poundage) - those strangers sometimes look downright appalled. And as I’m now 37 years old as of midnight, I get to look forward to the invisibility of age as well. Our society refuses to see old ladies…I may be starting to understand that whole "red hat" club. They can’t miss us if we’ve got on a big ‘ol red hat, huh? But enough of this feeling-sorry-for-myself-crap…this is the place where I’m not fat: I’m large and luscious. I’m not broke: I’m bohemian. I’m not a bleached blond: I’m chemically enhanced. And I’m definitely NOT going to live in a closet, afraid of living life just because I don’t fit some traditional mold of gorgeous. Gorgeous is as gorgeous does, my Granny used to say. She also said, in reference to those idiots who didn’t know what the hell they were missing when they ignored us, broke up with us or grew apart from us (the old boyfriends, galpals, employers, etc.), "If they’ve been stupid enough to cut you out of their life, the smartest thing you can do is to STAY OUT!" And this may sound weird at first but here’s the revenge part: they don’t get to be with YOU anymore. You may not be there when they figure it out and they probably won’t call you to tell you (though that’s happened to me and I’ve heard from other people what they’ve said about missing me), you can imagine it and use it to salve your wounds when you’re feeling invisible. The truth is that I’m narcissistic enough to really feel sorry for people who don’t have me in their lives. Even the ones who’ve never known be but choose to see through me. It’s definitely their loss. Think about it - they don’t get to live large and luscious anymore…whether they were a lover that’ll miss my breasts and hips or a skinny friend who always felt better hanging around me because I was so much bigger than she - they don’t get to be with me…not ever again. And I’m happy to roll around like a fat dog in the grass as I revel in their loss! I may be a "second-class person" in some circles, but I’ve got a first class attitude everywhere I go.